


i could be strong inside your sleeping eyes

by jinxfabray



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Music and Lyrics AU, blow jobs with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:03:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1531820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxfabray/pseuds/jinxfabray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He just needs something to write about, and Liam's a nice looking boy. It should be easy to get him to open up enough that he can write about Liam's very deep and complex feelings for his childhood best friend, or whatever it is that keeps that pure heart of his busy."</p>
<p>a Music and Lyrics AU in which Louis is Hugh Grant, Liam is Drew Barrymore, and Harry is the teen idol that brings them together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i could be strong inside your sleeping eyes

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if i should thank sara or apologize for reading her every sentence of this fic out loud three times and waking her up at two am with my dumb ideas so yeah general kudos @andwarm from tumblr u rock  
> also i apologize for using the word warm a thousand times i know it hurts  
> title from all your secrets by yo la tengo

His alarm goes off and the radio is blasting through his apartment, a song he wishes had never existed drilling through his brain. It's so damn catchy Louis knows he's going to have it stuck in his head the rest of the day, and he honestly can't understand why they keep playing it. It's been five years, if he's gotten over it, then the rest of the world probably should have too. He can't find his phone, and he's managed to get all the books he's got on his bedside table splattered over the floor when the song finally ends, and there's the voice of that stupid host he hates so much once again. Perfect.

  
"So that was One Direction in our throwback Thursday, can you believe how long it's been since the band split up? My daughter was born on that year and she's already starting school, it's insane. They were so big back then, we had a thousand girls calling in crying on the day they announced they were over."

"Yeah, I remember, it was dreadful. Not as dreadful as some of their solo albums we were unfortunate enough to have to listen to after, right?"

They both laugh, and Louis groans as he finally finds his phone tucked under his pillow and turns the fucking radio off. He knows what's coming after, and it's not like it's his album they're gonna make fun of. They probably don't even know he released one, that's how unnoticed it went. They probably mean Josh's, because of course the idiot had to go off and try to make it as a goddamn rapper when he was whiter than snow. If he hadn't filled his embarrassment quota on his own, Louis would feel it second hand just because he was once in the same band as that douchebag.

He gets out of bed and follows his morning routine, not properly waking up until he's got the kettle whistling and his phone is ringing. He doesn't even need to look at it to know it's either Perrie wanting to hang out, or his agent calling to offer him some new stupid ad in Japan he got asked to do. Neither of those things sound particularly enticing, so he decides to ignore it. He's just sitting at the table with his cup of tea feeling warm and comforting in his hands, when there's another buzz. It's the door this time, and he prays it's not his agent coming to yell at him for not picking up.

Instead of his agent, he finds a much cuter boy on his doorway, and as confused as he is, he can't help but grin at him because this does not happen to him everyday. Or at least it hasn't happened much since he stopped being an international superstar. The guy's just standing awkwardly there, wearing washed out jeans and a very, very worn out Ramones t shirt, and he blinks back at Louis like he wasn't expecting to find him there, or maybe he just didn't expect him to be shirtless and so pleased to see him.

"May I help you?" Louis asks, leaning against the door frame and taking a sip of his tea. He finds himself hoping he's a die hard fan who's stalking him, because as much as he hates thinking back on his popstar days, he wouldn't mind using it if it's gonna get him into those very tight pants that he should probably stop staring at.

"I- I'm Liam?" He offers, and Louis has to bite his tongue to keep himself from replying something witty, because Liam's blushing under his insistent stare and he figures he might combust and disappear into thin air if he does that. "I'm supposed to clean your place. Your agent said you'd be out and I only come when you're out, but I guess you're not out today. Should I come back some other day? I can come back some other day, I don't mean to bother you, I just-"

"Come on in, Liam." Louis steps back, letting him walk into the place, and it's only then he notices Liam's carrying cleaning supplies. He didn't remember he had someone who cleaned his apartment, but now that he thinks about it, his agent may have said something about getting him a maid. He just hadn't ever thought the maid would be someone who looked like Liam, and maybe that's why his agent was calling him so insistently. Louis built quite a reputation for himself during the past few years of being a sour person, and he can see why he must have tried to keep Liam, innocent looking, sweet Liam, out of his way. But Louis isn't really as bitter as he comes off, at least not anymore, and he's not planning on being mean to Liam, even if he does find himself considering how hard it would be to make him pout.

Besides, it would require too much effort since Liam barely even looks at him, much less talk to him. He gets to cleaning immediately and it makes Louis uneasy, because he's so efficient and hard working, while he's just lazy. He goes back to his cup of tea, still in his boxers, and sips the warm drink while watching Liam swipe the floor. There is something else that's driving him crazy, and he can't quite figure out what it is, until his ears finally locate the sound. He's humming. It's incredibly irritating. It didn't use to be, but for the last couple of years, Louis has started to find all sorts of music unnerving.

"Can't you do your job quietly?" He snaps, and Liam looks up starteld because he obviously didn't think he'd hear. Or maybe he didn't think he'd mind, since most normal people wouldn't, but Louis is very far from being your average human being, so he holds his gaze with a very set frown until Liam nods.

"Sure, sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." It comes out so shy and sheepish, Louis feels bad for a moment. But then his phone rings again, and he figures he should pick up this time, both so his agent won't kill him, and so he'll be able to stop staring at this human puppy that's giving him the saddest look he's ever witnessed, as if he'd just been scolded for something.

As usual, what his agent wants is unreasonable. By now, he should know Louis isn't going to write any new music, ever, and much less for some new pop star that's taking the world by storm by doing the strangest things on stage. It's just not going to happen, no matter how much Zayn sighs at him and tells him he can't keep living off shampoo ads.

"It's just a song, Lou. I'm not asking you for a whole album, just one song. Think about it, you can literally just write four verses and repeat them five times, and you'll pay your bills without having to shoot another car commercial for years." Louis rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, groaning in response because he's not going to do it. He won't. As much as he hates doing stupid commercials where they take the mick out of him for being a washed up boyband member, he can't write a song. Even if he could, he wouldn't, but the thing is he knows he can't, so why bother trying?

"I couldn't even write a jingle, Zayn. Please. I haven't even listened to music in so long, I don't remember how to do it, and have you heard this guy's stuff? It's fucking weird. I couldn't do anything like that."

"He's not asking for something like what he usually does, he wants a ballad. A nice, soothing, deep ballad that will reach the hearts of his fans. And he's asking you to do it because he's a fan. This is a one in a lifetime oportunity for you, Lou. Don't be daft about this."

The resignation in Zayn's voice makes Louis sigh, he knows he's hard to work with and he wishes he could stop making his life so difficult, but it sounds like so much effort, trying to get back into writing. From where he's sitting, he can spot Liam cleaning his piano with a very focused look on his face, and why is he like that? Louis wants to punch him for not taking advantage of him being busy on the phone to take a break and laze around. Watching him work like that makes him feel useless, like he should be doing things, showing him he deserves the amazing place he has and all his cool stuff.

"Fine. I'll meet up with him to talk about it, but I'm not making any promises. Set it up, and I'll show up."

"I've already scheduled the meeting. If you'd picked up earlier, we could have had this whole conversation sooner and you'd have had time to shower, but since you didn't, you'll just have to put clothes and get down here as quick as you can. I'll text you the adress, we're meeeting him after his rehearsal. See you, dear."

Zayn hangs up, and Louis knows he only hurried through that sentence because he knew a second longer and he'd have had to buy himself new ears after Louis was done with him. Of course the little shit would arrange a meeting before he'd even agreed to it, it's how Zayn's always handled things. He knows him too damn well, and it's both a blessing and a curse.

 

They get there a little early, and they get to see the end of the rehearsal. It's even weirder than Louis expected. The last song, which sounds like a very strange mix of screamo, pop punk and banjos, is accompanied by dancers doing a choreography while the singer sits in the middle of the stage, and he's pretty sure there's fire involved in it too. The guy's clearly a hazard, but his manager doesn't seem to mind, he just sits next to Zayn and tries not to laugh at the whole thing. When it's all over, and they're finally allowed to speak, he turns towards them with a grin so wide it's slightly blinding.

"So as you can see, Harry's slightly peculiar, and he's been trying to get banjos into everything he does lately, so a ballad would be perfect for where's he at right now, musically." He says, and he makes it sound completely normal, but Louis still can't pick his jaw up from the floor. He hadn't ever seen him live, he'd only heard his music, but now that he's actually seen what he does on stage, he can't understand how Harry Styles is the new big thing. Things have evidently changed a lot in the last couple of years, while he was hiding under his rock.

"Yeah, yeah, I bet he'd sound great with Lou." Luckily for Louis, Zayn seems to still be able to form coherent sentences. He's pretty sure it's because he barely even laid eyes on Harry, he seemed to be too busy staring at his manager instead. Lucky him, Louis couldn't tear his eyes off the performance. Just as he's trying to come up with a way to get himself out of there, Harry in person comes over, his hand already stretched out and ready to be shaken. He's smiling widely, and there's a hopeful spark in his eyes that tells Louis he's not getting out of this one.

"I'm so excited to meet you, I've been a fan of yours since the X Factor." He says while shaking Louis' hand and grinning at him, and it makes him cringe. His X Factor days weren't his best, and he wishes he could delete all evidence of them. But the internet is an invention of the devil, created solely with the purpose of torturing him and making sure his audition haunts him until the last of days.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, your stuff is... interesting." He wants to say great, or good, or not horrible, but he can't bring himself to it. Interesting is the best he can manage, and it will have to do.

"So, did Niall tell you about what I have in mind for us?" Harry sits next to him, grabbing a bag from under his chair and pulling a towel out of it. He acts so normally, it's easy to forget whatever it is he has in mind for them is probably going to be terrifying. Louis doesn't do well with fire, he should get out of here as quickly as possible, but Zayn's so caught up in that blonde lad that there's no chance he'll rescue him from this.

"He said something about ballads? Listen, Harry, I'm very flattered that you like the stuff I've done, but I haven't worked in music in literally years. I have no idea what people like nowadays, and even if what you want is something that sounds out of 2010, I'm so rusty anything I do will be shit, I promise. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

There. He said it. It's easier like this, he's been very clear, and Harry now knows he honestly couldn't help him even if he wanted to, so he'll back out. Except Harry's still staring at him with a grin on his face while he wipes his hair with his towel, and it's a little scary.

"That's alright." Harry nods, and Louis wants to scream because no, it's not, it's terrible and he's lost his only talent and people shouldn't react so calmly to this. "I've seen what you can do, and a talent like that doesn't just fade away. It's still in there somewhere." Harry pushes at his chest with his index finger, looking so incredibly hopeful that it takes all of Louis' self restrain to keep himself from shrieking away. "You just need a little motivation. I don't need the song for tomorrow, my album won't be ready for a while, so you have time. I'll wait. I'm not doing this just for me, Louis, I'm doing this because you are my idol and I can't watch you give up on yourself like this. Plus, if you don't do this, you'll end up singing at Bar Mitzvhas and living on a shoebox, so you don't have much of a choice. It's not like people will be interested in you for much longer unless you get back to doing things, you know?"

It's amazing, how Harry can keep the same tone throughout that whole speech.

"I'll give you two weeks, and whatever else you need to get that little spark all flared up again. Travel around, read books, meet people, find some inspiration, and write me a ballad." He pats him on the shoulder before walking away, and Louis wants to stand up but he feels dizzy and his knees might be shaking. His brain can't do anything but replay the image of him as a wedding singer, suddenly waking up one morning in the flesh of Adam Sandler, living in Zayn's basement and being even more of a has been than he is now, and he might throw up if he doesn't get out of here quickly.

 

He's not sure how he convinced Zayn to stop ogling Niall and follow him out, but he did, and now they're finally getting to his apartment and Louis' breathing again. It took the whole drive to get there, but now that there's air in his lungs and he's successfully survived what he's pretty sure was a panic attack, he can be brave and accept the challenge he obviously can't escape.

"I'm gonna do it. It's gonna suck, but I have to do it, haven't I?" He asks Zayn with a pained look on his face, and he nods.

"It's not going to suck, Lou. You're great at this, you just have to wake up that part of your mind that you haven't used in ages, the bit that took care of writing kick ass songs that not even your bandmates' terrible voices could ruin." Zayn smiles encouragingly, but it doesn't do much to ease the knot in Louis' stomach. It stays there, a heavy weight inside him, as he gets out of the car and into his building. It starts to become a nuisance while he's on the elevator, and by the time he gets to his door, it's nearly aching. He's got his door on the knob, when he hears it again. The humming. Except this time, Liam's not humming, he's full on singing, and Louis knows there was something bothering him five seconds ago but now he can't even remember what it was.

"What is that?" He asks, bursting in, and causing Liam to stop singing, moving, and probably breathing too. He stands there with a look of terror in his face that Louis doesn't get until he remembers he shouted at him for humming an hour ago. "No, I meant- I don't mind you singing. Sorry about earlier, I'm not exactly a morning person. But the song, what's the song you were singing?"

Liam still looks slightly scared, but at least he goes back to brushing the dust off Louis' furniture, and it's strangely soothing to watch him work. "It's nothing, really. Just a thing that came to my mind, it kinda happens sometimes."

Louis stares at him in disbelief, because that didn't sound as just mindless humming to him. The melody's stuck in his head now, even though he didn't catch much of what he was singing, and without really thinking about it he heads to the piano and starts trying to play it. He does it carelessly, as if it hadn't been two whole years since the last time he sat there or pressed a key, and maybe it's exactly because of how hard he tries to pretend it's an every day thing for him to do this that it comes naturally to him. The music just flows out of his fingers and it doesn't take more than a few tries until he's got something that doesn't sound like absolute crap to his ears, and it sounds similar enough to Liam's little tune.

"It was something like this, wasn't it?" He turns to see if Liam's even paying attention, and he finds him staring at him.

"I thought you didn't do the whole, uh, music thing anymore." Liam's chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully, and he walks up to the piano, leaning over Louis and moving his hands to the side. Louis very resolutely decides to ignore the shivers he get from having those big hands grabbing his like this, and he's definitely not going to think about Liam's breath on his neck either. No. He won't. "Try the same but starting here."

He does that, surprisingly managing to focus on it and not getting distracted by Liam being still much too close to him, and it sounds a thousand times better. Very lowly, Liam sings along some words Louis still can't figure out, but it sounds perfect. Liam sounds perfect. He's been in his apartment for two hours and a half, and Louis' already beyond fucked. This is why he worked so hard to get people to believe he hated everyone, and now he wants to kick himself for letting his guard down. But the fact is, he needs a song, and Liam's got one. As cheesy as that sounds.

"Liam, right?" He turns to look at him, folding his hands over his lap and sitting back to put some distance between them because he's never been good at forming coherent sentences with cute boys breathing down his neck. He doesn't think anyone's good at that, though. "Listen, how would you feel about changing jobs? I'm not firing you, I'm just suggesting a change in your tasks." He adds, waggling his eyebrows.

"Have I not been doing my job right? I swear I wanted to do better at the kitchen, but I only have three hours and it's very hard to get some of those stains out, I don't even recnogize some of them." Of course he looks panicked, Louis' starting to realize this is a very normal look for Liam.

"No, no, you're very good at your cleaning and whatever it is that you do, but I really need someone to help me write a song or I'll go broke and I'll have to sell my apartment and I'll have to sing at weddings and I'll end up getting kicked out because I'd be constantly making witty remarks about the bride looking in pain throughout the whole thing, and then- listen, I just need to write a song, and I think you could help me with that. Please. I'll still pay you."

If Liam looked concerned before, he looks full on worried now. Louis fears for a second that he might even try and hug him, and he's not in a state where he can handle physical contact right now. Luckily, Liam seems to get that, so he just breathes deeply, looking very thoughtful.

"I'm not sure why you'd think I can help you. I've never written a song in my life, just some silly poems but I promise, they are not worth reading. But if you really do think there's something I can do for you, I wouldn't mind trying to help. Just- I like my job, you know? I'd rather try and help you in my spare time. Besides, I couldn't possibly come here and watch what this place would turn into if I stop cleaning it."

Louis wants to feel offended, but he finds himself too horrified at that thought as well, so he just nods, with a bright smile on his face. If Liam helps, he might actually get those four verses Zayn wants, he won't end up living in anyone's basement, and he'll have another excuse to hang out with him. Suddenly, everything is starting to look much, much better in Louis' immediate future.

 

To say they don't hit it off on the first try would be quite an understatement. The problem is, Liam wants to write a song. Louis wants to write a couple of verses he can pass as a song. He doesn't understand why Liam is so set against that, since his ass isn't the one on the line, but he won't stop nagging him about it and it's driving him insane. Pop music is easy, it doesn't have to be a great, meaningful song with lyrics that make people cry. As long as it's catchy, it will work out just fine. They spend nearly three weeks working on the song, and Liam frowns a lot at it, but he still helps, mostly with the music, until he can't stand it anymore. He's cleaning Louis' bedroom's shelves when he suddenly stops and turns to glare at him, his hands on his hips. Louis would laugh at how ridiculous he looks in that position, with a cloth on his right hand, a spray on his left one, and another cloth on his pocket, but he can tell he's too pissed off to take his teasing kindly.

"Is that it then?" Liam asks, the frustration in his tone evident. "You just want a song that will get played on the radio for a bit? You can do so much more than that, I'll help if you get stuck, but you have to at least try. I mean, I know you can do something great, and let's be honest, your next door neighbor could come up with something better than Little Black Dress. Plus it's not a ballad, so it's not even close to what Harry wants."

Four times Louis wants to punch Liam during that little speech, and four times he stops himself and rolls his eyes instead, because punching Liam won't do him any good. He'll probably get happy that he's getting a reaction out of him, call it an inspiration he should use for writing. Now that he thinks about it, he could write a very good song about his feelings for Liam right now, and they could use it for the soundtrack of the next Rocky sequel since it would be all about hitting someone until they pass out and stop blabbering about stupid lyrics that mean things.

"Harry will like it anyway, he just wants to say he wrote a song with me so he can look like he's a nice person. Plus, he wants something he can add banjos too, but if he's adding banjos to his current stuff he sure as hell can do it to my song." He shrugs his shoulders, his hands holding his mug a little too tightly. "And what do you even know about what I can and can't do? It's not like I wrote that many of the songs for the band, you know that, right?"

"You have some very good stuff... lying around." Clearly, Liam's specialty is pulling off puppy faces. But this particular one isn't the sad, scolded puppy one. It's the expression of a dog caught digging through the garden's roses, and Louis has never opened his eyes this wide in his life.

"You went through my stuff?" It's a wonder that the cup of tea doesn't slip between his hands, but Louis values tea over anything else in life, even his love for dramatic reactions.

"I didn't mean to go through your stuff, but it's hard to reach the surfaces that need cleaning when you leave piles and piles of things on them." Now they're screaming at each other, and Louis can't help but roll his eyes at the entire situation. This is usually how his relationships end, but he's pretty sure this is quite a record, getting to the yelling bit before the kissing one.

"Look, Liam, those things are private. And I'm not saying that to make you feel bad about reading them, I honestly don't care that much since they're all about things that happened ages ago, but they're private enough for me to not want to share them with Styles. Or with an audience."

"What is the point of writing songs if you're not going to express your feelings through them?"

Louis doesn't mean to laugh at him, he really doesn't, but he looks so completely sure of what he's saying, such an obstinate look on his face, and he can just picture Liam's entire existence right then and there. This boy, this wonderful boy, is so honest he can't even conceive the notion of people being anything but truthful, and at first it may look ridiculous, but now that he's faced with how profoundly convinced he is of this, Louis realizes it's actually kind of admirable because Liam hasn't been living in a bubble all these years. No, he's been out in the world, he's seen other people living their lives, and yet he still believes firmly they are all trying to do their best and never settling for less. It's a shame Louis will have to let him down hard, but as much as he'd like to spare him from the harsh truth, he feels he should at least be honest with him, since he can't do much else.

"Liam, people don't put their hearts and souls into their music. Only some do, but it's a very small percentage. Especially in pop music, do you really think it took Britney a whole week of meditation to write Toxic?"

Instead of glaring at him, like Louis expected him to, Liam raises his eyebrows and clicks his tongue.

"No, but she did pour her heart into Every time, and that's her best song ever. If all you're trying to do here is write two verses that will get you a catchy radio hit, then you don't need my help with that. Call me if you decide you want a real song."

And just like that, Liam leaves the room, leaving Louis baffled. It's too bad, because he really did like spending time with Liam, but he's not going to write a proper song. He's not going to think about his feelings and get in touch with his emotions and write a ballad. He's just not, and Liam will have to deal with that.

 

"That's not a ballad."

Louis groans and sinks lower in his chair, while Zayn and Niall stare at him. If they think he can't see how much of an effort they're making to keep their eyes on him instead of undressing each other with very intense stares like they always do, they're wrong. And as uncomfortable as that is, he would rather they just started undressing each other for real instead of having them look at him like that.

"It's a song."

"It is, and it's a good song too, but it's not a ballad. Harry wants a ballad. You know what will happen if I take this song to Harry? He'll probably cry." Niall looks entirely serious about it, and Louis doesn't even doubt it. He's seen the interviews.

"I don't want to make Harry cry, but I just- I don't want to write a ballad."

Zayn sighs, and it's all he ever does when dealing with Louis so he doesn't even flinch, but Niall looks at him with his eyebrows drawn together.

"Lou, just go write the damn song already. You have a billion ballads lying around your house, pick one of those and change it up a little, it can't be that hard."

As if Zayn's resigned tone wasn't upsetting enough, now Louis has to watch Niall reach out and touch his arm in a comforting way that makes him want to claw his eyes out.

"Why does everyone know about those? And I can't use those songs, they're all about... you know."

Zayn gives him an understanding look, but he still shrugs his shoulders and Louis knows there is still no getting out of this one. He decided he would write a song for Harry probably weeks ago, and he's just let him think he had some choice in the matter, but he doesn't. He's seen it before, ever since the band broke up, Zayn's been trying to come up with something that will get him out of his shell, and every time he thinks he's got it, he'll push him into it no matter how much he resists. He both loves him and hates him for it.

"Then go write something new. Harry said he'd give you his private jet if you wanted to fly somewhere for inspiration, so go do that. Go visit somewhere nice, meet someone, fall in love in a coffee shop and write a song about that instead. Come on. We're going to the movies, so this pep talk is officially over, and next time I see you, I expect a ballad."

Zayn and Niall leave, and Louis is once again left on his own, softly banging his head against the chair as he curses himself for not having stayed in college instead of pursuing this stupid singing career that he hates so badly now.

 

Sweden is surprisingly nice, and terribly cold. It doesn't matter, since Louis' plan consists of staying inside in his pajamas and drinking hot chocolate while he writes about Liam's eyelashes. Out of all of the dishonest things he's ever done, bringing Liam along in this trip is probably the worst. Everything about this plan in particular would make Liam give up on him completely if he heard any of it, which is why it's so important that he never knows Louis isn't actually thinking of having him help with the actual writing. He just needs something to write about, and Liam's a nice looking boy. It should be easy to get him to open up enough that he can write about Liam's very deep and complex feelings for his childhood best friend, or whatever it is that keeps that pure heart of his busy.

Besides, Liam looks like a child in a toy shop the moment they meet up at the airport. It's eight am, and Louis can't understand how anyone could ever be this awake when not even the sun's fully awake, but Liam's internal clock must be messed up, because he's fully dressed and terribly excited. Louis has to glare extra hard to get him to shut up, but then they're sitting next to each other and he can feel him vibrating with joy, and feels awful about having been like that to him, so he gives in and lets him talk. He is very tired, though, so eventually he falls asleep on his shoulder.

When he wakes up, Liam is leaning over him trying to fasten his seatbelt, and for someone who was just on a plane for hours, he smells wonderful. It's not weird at all, smelling people, it happens a lot, especially when said people are pressing themselves against his chest. Louis clears his throat and Liam backs away instantly, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be all over you like that, but we're landing and the stewardess said to fasten our seatbelts so I was, you know. Fastening your seatbelt."

He turns a very deep shade of red, and Louis wants to pinch him so he can see if he feels as warm as he looks. That is a word that comes to mind quite often when thinking about Liam, actually. Warm. It's a funny word to describe someone, he should write it down and see if it helps with the goddamn song writing affair of his.

"That's okay, Liam, I don't mind you being all over me." He replies in his sweetest tone, and he gets exactly what he was aiming for with that response when Liam's eyes go wide open and he stares down at his feet. This is going to be a very fun trip, and Louis' starting to forget why he's here, shocking Liam suddenly turning into his new goal in life. It's fairly simple, too, all he needs to do is be slightly inappropriate or a bit of a show off, and Liam will stumble over his words and look completely helpless instantly. Money seems to be an easy way to get Liam's eyes to nearly fall out of his face, because he stands nearly gaping in front of the hotel, staring at it until Louis starts to freeze and tugs on his coat so he'll follow him inside.

"This is way too nice and expensive, Louis, you didn't have to bring me here. We could have written the song at your place."

"I didn't book this hotel for you, dumbass, I'm a star. I have certain standards." Liam rolls his eyes at him, and Louis can't even fight back because well, Liam's seen a little too much of Louis' life to buy into that. "Okay, I came to this hotel years ago with the band and it's really nice but I was never able to afford it again, so now that Harry's paying, I thought... why not?"

The way Liam looks at him, Louis knows he just doesn't get it. By now he knows Liam doesn't have much money, and yet he refuses to accept anything Louis offers unless it's in exchange for his work, but he also refuses to consider song writing as a part of his job, so it's very hard to help him out. But that doesn't mean that he brought him all the way here because he wanted to do something nice for him. Not at all. Louis is completely uninterested in Liam's well being, and he does not care how many times a day he can make Liam smile. Not a single bit. This is all for himself, and he'd laugh at anyone who thought the opposite. He'd laugh really hard, he thinks as he opens the door to their room and turns around quickly so he doesn't miss the look of amazement on Liam's face when he sees it. Yeah, he'd laugh out loud at anyone who thought he'd been looking forward to see those crinkles by his eyes.

Louis puts his bag by his bed and as soon as he opens it, clothes fly out because he might have had to sit on it to zip it up and everything was a little too compressed in there, but he can't bring himself to care so he toes out of his Toms and just leaves everything lying there, going straight into the kitchen. Liam starts unpacking, his neatly folded clothes only taking up two drawers, and he doesn't stop until he's emptied his suitcase and put it under the bed too. It's unnerving and charming, and Louis has to stop himself from smiling fondly at him. He's not here to make friends with Liam, or to lick that tempting milk mustache right over his lips that he got from the hot chocolate he may or not have made especially for him, because he knows he'd much rather have that instead of Louis' usual tea.

He needs to clear his head soon, because it's ridiculous that he spends so much time thinking about Liam when he's known him for just a little while, so he sits on the counter, and looks into his cup of Earl Grey while he starts talking, so he can stop getting distracted by his stupid excited face.

"So, the plan's to just kind of... stay here." He says, shrugging his shoulders. He knows Liam hasn't ever been to Sweden before and maybe he wants to go out and see the country, but Louis really hopes he doesn't. It's just that everything will work out much better if they just stay inside and focus on the music. "It's very cold out there, I don't like the cold."

Liam giggles, and Louis misses the shy guy who treated him like his boss and wouldn't have laughed at him so openly, though that didn't last more than a few days. "I don't think you're allowed to be grumpy about the weather when you chose to come to Sweden during the winter."

"I'm always allowed to be grumpy, excuse you." Louis frowns, as he hops down from the counter, finishing up his tea. "And I'm gonna go put on a thicker sweater now, if you don't mind, so we can get down to business and I don't die of hypothermia mid-song."

"That sounds like powerful ballad material though." Liam calls out after him as he walks back into their room, and Louis can't help but laugh along. Maybe he should just write about that. Write a very sad song about him dying in the cold and then devote the rest of their time in this gorgeous country to taking Liam out. But the thing is, this isn't Louis' first time in Sweden. It's not his first time sharing a room in Sweden with a boy he kind of wishes would curl around him and keep him safe and warm. And he's learned from his mistakes, he knows better now, so he won't do it again. If letting someone in when it was someone who seemed to be his soulmate didn't work, then he can't imagine why it would be a good idea to do so with someone who is so incredibly different from him. When he gets back, he finds Liam surrounded by the notes he's taken during their previous attempts at writing, a dictionary and his notebook, all neatly arranged so that they can do this as professionally as possible. They're like day and night, him and Liam, and he has to know better this time around.

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon, and the following two days too, just sitting there, going back and forth over song ideas, but it soon becomes evident that no matter the country, they are still stuck on the same issue.

"Look, I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I'm saying it's gonna be a lot easier to sing with all you've got and make a hell of a comeback if you write a song about something that you can actually connect to. Ballads are supposed to come from the heart, they're supposed to be something the singer can relate to on some level. And as far as I know, I'm pretty sure you've never been a pirate, so I can't see how you could relate to this song unless it's a very carefully crafted metaphor that I'm not getting."

Louis groans and drops his head back on the couch. This is the third song idea that Liam's politely rejected, and he doesn't know how much more he can put up with. He's not even trying, because he already knows he's not going to magically write a great song unless he gets some inspiration, and that's not going to happen until he gets Liam to open up to him and show him that stupidly big heart of his and all the feelings he's sure he has tucked away in there for some incredibly gorgeous brunette who broke up with him because he was too nice or something like that. So for now, he's only trying to pass the time, but Liam keeps pushing him to get him to open up, and it's making him want to stick his head in the Norrström.

"I don't want to sing about my feelings, Liam, we've been through this a hundred times. I have no feelings. My heart's cold and dead. Can we go with the pirate ballad now?"

Liam smiles, clearly fighting back a laugh at Louis being as over dramatic as always, and Louis wishes he'd picked someone very ugly to steal inspiration from, because his eyes do that crinkly thing that makes him forget how pissed off he was at him.

"I'm only trying to help you, Louis. I just want you to do really good with this song, so you'll get back to doing music. You're so good at it, it's a shame you're not out there, being all famous and stuff."

He's so painfully honest and serious about it that Louis can't even laugh at him when he says things like these. It's been quite a while since he's had someone believe in him like this, except for Zayn, but he doesn't count because he's been Louis' best friend for far too long and he would have to believe in him even if Louis suddenly decided to drop music and become a professional puppeteer.

"I wish it was that easy, but- I can't just go back on a stage after all this time and dig out old wounds. It would hurt unnecesarily because I've gotten over it all, but if I had to put it into words and face a crowd with them... I can't do that. And I've been locked up in my house for like five years, so it's not like I have any new nice things to sing about."

Liam gives him a thoughtful look, and he looks so hesitant that Louis can hear the question before he's even asked it.

"It's about that guy from your band, right?"

It's always been about that guy, Louis thinks as he closes his eyes and nods. It's about not being able to show anyone his songs because they would all know they're about Josh, and they would know Louis didn't walk out of that relationship as gracefully and unharmed as he pretended to. They would know just how badly Josh fucked him over, and how Louis' heart shut down for a very long time after that, because he'd been hurt before but never this deeply, never this harshly.

"It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore, but I-" Louis takes a deep breath, because he's already started and he might as well come out and say it. Maybe if he tells the truth to Liam, he'll leave him alone and he'll give up on getting him to write about his feelings. "I fear if I pick up a pencil and try to write about myself, I'll end up writing about him again."

There's a long silence, and Louis is starting to regret having said anything at all about this stupid subject, when Liam leans forward and rests his hand on top of his. He's quiet, but he squeezes his hand just a little and Louis thinks maybe he understands. Perhaps he doesn't have to say anything else, he doesn't have to keep on talking about how he's really, truly over Josh, but he's spent so much time trying to forget about him and it's been hard because for a while he couldn't leave his own apartment without getting at least five paparazzis asking him about him, so he locked himself in, he broke the band up, he told them he couldn't do it like this and closed all doors and windows to the outside world. Getting out is very hard, the sunlight is too bright, there's too much noise out here in the real world, and he's only just learning how to live again. He wishes he could write about that, but then that would mean people knowing he's been living like a prisoner and they would know how bad the break up was for him. He doesn't want them to know, because then they'll ask questions, and some things are just so much better off buried deeply in the past.

When Liam gives him a small smile, he feels his heart starting to beat faster, and well, that's something else he could write about, if it wasn't so terrifying.

"All I know is what was out in the papers back then, and I bet that's not even close to the truth. But I remember I was a huge fan, and I watched your interviews and stuff and I just... I think I have a pretty good idea of how bad it was for you. You'd always been the soul of the band, and suddenly it was as if someone had switched off a light inside you."

"That's exactly what it felt like" Louis lets out a bitter snort, because that's how one of the songs he wrote in that era starts, actually. "We kept it quiet for a very long time, and I thought it was because of the fans. Or PR stuff, I don't know, I never even bothered to ask because Josh said we should just keep it between us and so we did. Turns out, he didn't mind the world knowing he was bi, he just didn't want them to know he was with me."

He can still remember it so clearly, the day he broke up with him because he'd just gotten bored, or at least so he'd said, and seeing him come out on TV while holding someone else's hand only a month after. Every single word he said that day on that stupid interview is stuck in his head, his little speech about how he'd never hide who he was even if it costed him his fame, because his love was too strong to hide. As if Louis had needed any clarification or reminder of how little his heart had meant to him, of how his love hadn't been good enough for him to want to show it off, not until it was over.

"I'm sorry. It must have been terrible, but- It's been five years, Lou. Maybe it's time you find yourself something new to write about. Give life a chance and all that."

Louis sighs deeply and looks at Liam, who's so serious, so worried about him, so incredibly convinced that Louis has the strength to put himself out there again.

"Maybe Sweden will inspire me."

He closes his eyes, and ends the conversation before he does something he'll regret, like opening up even just another inch and letting Liam in where no one's been for five years. He needs to remind himself of what he's supposed to be doing, and the next day, he makes sure to get on with his plan. After a nice ten minute walk out in the freezing streets of Sweden, he comes back with two six packs and the first season of The Walking Dead.

They sit in front of the TV for hours, drinking beer after beer, until Liam is drunk enough that he won't stop giggling and nuzzling on Louis' neck. It's the perfect moment to get some good story out of him, and Louis is tipsy enough to forget about his morals or whatever it was that held him back from doing this before, so he turns off the TV.

"I barely know anything about you." He says, resting his chin on his hand as he stares intensely at Liam, which only causes him to burst into giggles yet again.

"You know a lot about me, we've been hanging out for over a month and we spent the past week literally locked up in here with each other, how could you not know anything about me?"

It's true, but what Louis meant to say was he doesn't know anything about the other people in Liam's life. He knows a lot of things about Liam, more than he reckons, probably, since Liam thinks too little of himself to consider he's worthy of being observed as much as Louis has. He knows about the disgusting amount of sugar Liam puts in his tea, how he pulls his arms over his head every time he yawns and his shirts always ride up a little at that, no matter how long they are. He knows Liam frowns when he doesn't understand something, and then smiles so widely when he gets it that his eyes nearly disappear. By now, Louis can tell who's calling from the way Liam smiles at his phone before picking up, and he's starting to think maybe he should just write a song about all those things. It would be cute, but then Liam might get the wrong idea and think he likes him on some level, which he doesn't. He can barely stand being in the same room as him.

"I meant about your life before you met the wonderful person that is I. Like, I imagine a nice boy like you has dated his fair share of girls, how come I've never heard of any of your heartbreaks?"

"I can tell you about my heartbreaks, but there won't be girls in those stories." Liam blushes and looks away, and Louis feels like a complete idiot. He shouldn't have assumed, he knows better, and now he's gone and made Liam feel uncomfortable, which is usually his goal but right now it's plain inconvenient since he needs Liam to trust him and open up to him.

"Well, I can't really write about girls anyway." It's meant to be reassuring, it really is, but the minute the words leave his mouth he knows he fucked up. Liam seems to be shaken into sobriety by them too, since he sits up a little straighter, and Louis just knows that he's figured it out. He's realized Louis' been planning to ignore all of his sound advice about exploring his past and feelings and just write about whatever sappy story Liam can tell him. "So good, it's better if you're into other things."

"You think it'd be good?" Or maybe not. Liam's lips curve up in a hint of a smile, and he's too drunk to think much of what Louis said exactly, but he picked up the important part apparently. "If I were into guys?"

"Maybe?" Louis archs an eyebrow, rubbing at the back of his head slightly confused at this turn of event. "Who are you into then?"

"You."

Oh. Louis doesn't even bother trying to conceal his grin at this, because it hadn't crossed his mind at all, but now that he says it, he realizes it's exactly what he was wishing for. He's had a crush on Liam since the first time he saw him, but he'd been so sure he was straight he hadn't even daydreamed about him liking him back. Okay, maybe he'd daydream a little but mostly because it was hard not to fantasize when he kept walking around his house in those stupid tank tops every morning. For more than a month now that had been the last thing on Louis' mind before taking his morning showers, so yeah, maybe he'd daydreamed quite a lot, but he'd never thought it was possible on any level, and yet here they are, with Liam leaning into him and- Fuck.

"No, no, wait." Louis pulls back before Liam's lips collide with his, and he pats himself mentally for not taking the chance to finally taste Liam's mouth like he's been wanting to for so long. Sometimes he hates himself for being such a decent guy. Liam looks baffled, and his lower lip slowly starts to quiver. "Hey, no. I like you. I like you a lot. But you're slightly drunk, and I- I don't think anything should happen. Not like this."

Liam looks thoughtful for a second, and then nods, all sadness gone. "Fine. Okay. Let's just sleep then so we can get to the morning quicker."

 

It says a lot about Louis' self confidence that when he wakes up the next morning, still on the same couch, before even opening his eyes he already knows Liam won't be by his side. He'll have woken up excessively early as he usually does, even with a hangover, and he'll have remembered the previous night and been grateful that nothing happened because it was all a mistake, and he would have regretted it. That is exactly what Liam's done.

Except he hears ruffling at his side and he's now awake enough to feel a heavy burden on his shoulder, and when he finally opens his eyes, Liam's staring right back, a smile on his lips. And then those same lips are planted on his, and Louis has never kissed anyone back this eagerly. Liam's fingers tangle in his hair, and it's hungry and desperate, until Liam pulls apart breathing heavily.

"Sober me still likes you a lot, but I'm glad we didn't do this last night. I'll remember it much better now." He smiles, and the crinkles by his eyes pull Louis back into kissing him like gravity. He leans into him and moves so he's straddling him, Liam's fingers tangled in his hair as they keep kissing until they're both out of breath. Louis pulls away only so he can take his shirt off, and then doesn't waste a second before pressing his lips on Liam's skin, kissing his neck and sucking on it, covering it all with little marks that are impossible to miss. He slides his hands under Liam's shirt, pushing it insistently until it's all tangled up around his neck and Liam starts to giggle.

"I can't take it off if you're in the way." He says, and Louis sits up so he can remove the completely unnecesary piece of clothing that stood between them.

"In the way? Really? I'm in the way?" It's in his nature, he can't miss the chance to be offended at something, but Liam doesn't even let his hand reach his chest in his usual over dramatic gesture. Instead, he grabs it midway and uses it to pull him back down, grinning at him.

"You're exactly where you should be." He kisses him again, and Louis decides he should do something to shut him up, because he can't have him saying things like this. Heartfelt, cheesy things don't belong in the bed, at least not when he can feel his cock getting hard already merely from straddling him. And so he does the obvious thing, and once again kisses his way down Liam's neck, but this time he doesn't stop. He kisses his chest, his hands still very slowly running up and down his arms because he's never touched arms like these and he can't be sure he'll ever get a chance to do this again, so he takes his time with each kiss, trying to remember what every inch of him tastes like.

When he gets to his hip bone, he looks up and finds Liam staring right at him. He definitely doesn't look like he's going to say anything else that sounds remotely sweet, not with that hungry eyed look on his face that makes Louis feel very profound feelings right in his dick. He hasn't come just from making out since he was sixteen, but this might be even worse, this might be the first time he comes just from staring at someone because it's so intense, so heavily charged, that in order to avoid the embarrassment he looks back down and pulls down Liam's pants, wrapping his fingers about his cock with no further hesitation. If that asshole thinks he can make Louis shiver just by looking at him, then he'll just have to show him how much worse he can be.

He starts pumping him slowly, carefully avoiding his eyes though still feelings his gaze burning a hole in his forehead, with his fist loosely holding only the base of his dick. It's only a little friction, and Liam squirms under his touch, obviously asking for more. Looking up at him from under his eyelashes, Louis sticks out his tongue and very slowly runs it from the base up, flicking it at the end and making Liam reach out and tangle his fingers in his hair and pull slightly. Under different circumstances, Louis would purr at having his hair pulled at and get his mouth on the dick, but he's determined to make Liam beg for it, so he merely grins and does it again. He licks his cock slowly one more time, feels Liam's grip tightening on his hair, and now when he gets to the head he dips down and takes it all in, as far as he can. Liam's a little bigger than he's had before, but he can manage, and he wraps his fingers around what he can't fit into his mouth before he starts sucking. He presses his lips tightly around his lenght before moving, and makes sure his tongue is still firmly attached to it, so that when after only a little he pulls away, he does it open mouthed and with his tongue circling the head of his by now throbbing cock. The noise Liam makes is downright obscene, and Louis wants to pat himself on the back. And maybe somewhere else, just a bit.

"What have I ever done to you?" He pants, now looking more desperate than before, his hand still on the back of Louis' head. "Are you trying to kill me? Is that what you brought me all the way here for?"

"Oh, don't be so whiny." Louis rolls his eyes at him, while he starts moving his hand, the one that never left his dick, now pumping him with a little more speed but still not enough, never enough. "What did you want me to do, though? Because I'm not quite sure I know what it is exactly that you expect from me." There is something about talking to someone while holding their dick in his hand that makes him feel strangely powerful, and he can't help but smile smugly as he looks down at Liam, who's glaring at him and clearly not feeling so in control of the situation.

"Well, at the moment, I wouldn't be opposed to you putting your tongue somewhere on me."  
Louis nods obediently and dives back down, considering it only for a fraction of a second before tightening his grip on Liam's dick and putting his lips a little lower instead. It causes exactly the effect he was expecting, Liam nearly jumping off the bed and tugging so hard at his hair that he'd have shrieked himself, hadn't his lips been too busy with sucking dedicatedly on his balls.

"That's- that's not what I was expecting, but that's, fuck, that's pretty good too."

Once again, Louis sits up faster than lightning. "Pretty good?"

"Oh god, just suck my dick already and let me come before I explode, will you? Please?"

"Well, if you're going to be that polite about it-"

Louis can play nice when he wants to, and really, all he wanted was to see if he could get Liam to say it out loud, to straight up ask him to do it. Now that he's had that, he can finally go back to taking his cock into his mouth and actually blowing him properly. Liam's fingers stay in his hair, loosening up and tightening back up again when Louis makes an effort and takes a little more into his mouth, swallowing hard just to make him flinch. It doesn't take much longer before Liam's fingers are pulling hard to warn him, but Louis keeps going until he's coming in his mouth. He sits up and moves back up until he can drop his head on Liam's chest, looking up at him with a grin worthy of the Cheshire cat as he cleans the corner of his lips with his thumb and sucks on it.

"Good morning."

"Do you reckon we can write a ballad about your tongue?" Liam breathes out, his heart still beating fast under Louis' cheek, and he laughs in response.

"I wouldn't want Harry to get tempted, what if he wants to try it out?"

Liam puts an arm around him and presses him against his chest, closing his eyes. "Yeah, I wouldn't want that either."

 

They spend a whole day lying around, eventually moving to the bed, kissing and kissing until their lips are sore and Louis can't remember anymore where he ends and Liam begins, they've spent that much time glued to each other, all limbs tangled and melting into one another. It's perfect, and they finally forget about the stupid song, or at least that's what Louis thinks. At some point, he dozes off, and when he wakes up again he's alone in the couch. He sits up, feeling dizzy from his nap and a little confused, and finds Liam sitting down on the floor, a notebook on his knees on which he's scribbling frantically. When he hears him ruffling about, he turns to look at him with the widest smile he's ever seen on his face.

"I've got it."

Louis frowns and rests his chin on his shoulder to look at what he's writing. Lyrics. Gorgeous lyrics, beautifully put together, and- for him. It's a song for Louis. Liam chews on the pen, staring at the chorus, those four lines he's crossed off at least five times already, and he glances back at him.

"Okay, I've only got the start, I can't quite figure out what to do with this part."

With a sigh, Louis gets off the couch and sits cross legged next to him, stealing the notebook away and giving the song a better look.

"Sing it to me." He says, and Liam starts right away, marking the beat with his pen. Louis shakes his head at some part, corrects him, until it sounds just right. This is exactly what he'd hoped wouldn't happen, but now that he's there, he can't shake off the urge to maybe come up with something that sounds good enough to get Liam to smile like that at him again. So he ignores the red alarms going off in his mind, and he starts writing his own verses.

The song is done in less than an hour. It's amazing, and they both know it. It makes Louis want to open up his windows and scream at the world that someone finally noticed, that someone saw through him, that someone wants him to smile again because they looked at him for long enough to notice he wasn't truly doing so.

"You have to give this one to Harry. It's perfect. It would sound exactly like he wants it to."

Liam is so happy, that Louis can't stop smiling either. And he's right, this is not only exactly what Louis needed, but exactly what Harry asked of him too. A powerful ballad, with banjos and a bit of a Mumford & Sons feel to it. Literally what Harry's last insistent text said, minues the thousand exclamation signs and the "please please plEASE LOU". The only downside to this is that he kind of wishes he could sing it with Liam instead, because the thought of having him say those words to him in front of crowds, of having him stare into his eyes as he tells him he'll carry him over fire and water for his love... It makes Louis hopeful and terrified. The problem is, while he's with Liam, hopeful wins over terrified. But then Liam decides that since they're done with the song and obviously will be going back home soon then, he should go for a walk so he gets to actually see some part of Stockholm before leaving, and the instant he's left on his own, terrified takes over and Louis sits on the couch staring right at the wall, listening to his own heart beat so loudly he fears he might go deaf.

He can't do it. He can't give this song to Harry. He shouldn't have done this, he shouldn't have opened up to a boy that's warm and sweet and everything Louis isn't, because Liam is going to realize how different they are soon and he'll leave him like everyone does, because Louis can't be enough for a guy like him. Louis isn't enough for anyone, he knows this, he's been reminded of this over and over again so many times in his life by people walking out on him since he was a child, that he can't believe he let himself think for a minute that he could actually be enough for Liam. When he looks around the place, it hits him like a bucket of cold water being thrown at his face. Liam's side of the room, all tidied up and clean, and his a complete mess. Liam's seriousness, Liam's notebooks with all of his proper efforts to make a good song, to make sure it would be heartfelt and honest, and Louis' scribbles about Molly Malone coming back as a zombie and pirates falling in love with mermaids just so he wouldn't have to think about his own broken heart. If most couples end up breaking up, how long could this possibly last when they're so different, when they are nearly opposites?

If he sends the song to Harry, and he sings it, and it becomes a hit, then when Liam does walk out on him, it will haunt him forever. It will play on the radios, he will have to keep on singing it in front of audiences, being reminded of everything he once had and didn't deserve, and he's not going to do that again. He won't. He knows better than to do this to himself again, so when Liam comes back, he's waiting for him with a very serious look on his face, and a new version of the song.

"What's- what's that?" Liam sits down next to him, frowning but only looking mildly concerned, until he gets a glimpse of what Louis wrote.

"I was just thinking, you know. We need the song to be popular, and- and nothing's more popular than songs about girls, right? It would work better than just singing to- you know. No one in particular."

Liam raises his eyebrows so high that he fears they might actually fall off his face. He just stares at Louis for a second, as if he's waiting for him to burst out laughing and tell him it's all a joke, but it's not. Louis' more serious than ever.

"You're for real. You're actually telling me you want to change the song that we wrote- the song I started writing for you, the one that talks about you and your heart, and you want to change it so people won't know you put a little bit of yourself into it. That's the gist of it, right? Am I missing something?"

Louis doesn't have the strength to even look at him anymore. He can hear how disappointed Liam is, but he just doesn't get it. He doesn't know what it would do to him if he did what Liam wants him too. And if doing this means making Liam hate him and leave him, then he'll cope with that, because it was bound to happen at some point, and better sooner than later, right?

"No, Liam, that's exactly what I'm saying. I told you from the start I wasn't gonna write a stupid song about my feelings, for god's sake."

"You said you didn't want to write because you had nothing new to write about. I thought- I thought this was something worth writing about."

He puts his hand on his again, and Louis shakes it off, standing up as if he'd been electrocuted. He won't do this.

"What's the point in writing about something that's got absolutely no future? We've only known each other for what, a month? And you're- you have no idea what I'm like. You think everyone's all nice and decent and sincere as you are, but I'm nothing like that. And what will happen when you figure that out? What do you think's gonna happen when you can't keep lying to yourself anymore and you have to face the fact that we're like freaking day and night, Liam?"

"I know you, Lou. I know you better than you think, evidently, and I know we're different, but that doesn't mean this won't work if we just try. I'm not as great as you make me out to be either, but when I'm with you, when I'm with you I feel like I could be so much better. Like you could make me so much better. And we can do that for each other because we're so different, don't you see that?"

Liam's tone is desperate, and now he's standing up too, his hand reaching out to grab Louis' but he keeps pulling away because Liam has no idea what he's talking about. He doesn't know anything about life or love, day and night see everything under different lights, day and night could never work because they can't even exist at the same time, so how could Liam and Louis when they're as different as that?

"It's not going to work, Liam. And I can't get stuck with singing a song for the rest of the year about a boy who was everything I could never have, I just can't do that, I'm sorry. I- I can't."

He drops his hands to his sides, defeated, and Liam looks like he might cry, but he takes a deep breath and a step back, and puts his own hands in his pockets to stop himself from trying to reach out again.

"You're wrong, Lou. You're wrong about me, and you're wrong about yourself, but mostly you're wrong about us. Because we could work. Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to sit down and write that song that you're trying to forget so badly. If we were so entirely different as you say, today wouldn't have been as perfect as it was." He sounds like he's giving up, but he looks like he's still daring Louis to come to his senses and just kiss him again, accept that they have a shot and be bold enough to take it. But Louis doesn't, and Liam stands there in silence for another moment before turning his back to him and walking back into the bedroom. Louis doesn't have it in him to stand there and watch him pack, so he leaves the apartment, slamming the door as he walks out, not because he's angry but because he fears Liam might hear him starting to sob as he walks away from yet another thing he wasn't strong enough to keep. He walks around the city for hours, and when he finally makes it back to the hotel, there is nothing left from Liam but the stupid song lying there on the table, daring him to read it again. Those stupid lyrics that do nothing but remind him that Liam sat there with his stupid crinkly eyed smile and reached out to grab his hand and instead pierced straight through his walls and held his heart, looked at it, and deemed it worthy of saving. Of singing a beautiful, heartfelt song to make it better. Worthy of fixing.

He didn't mean for things to happen like this, he honestly just wanted to write the goddamn song. But Liam, insufferable, charming, annoying, sweet Liam, he just had to go and make everything more complicated by trying to push him into writing about his own feelings instead of helping him come up with some fiction that would have worked just as well.  
Louis doesn't open up to people anymore. He's been hurt far too many times, he knew best, he never planned on letting Liam see any part of himself that wasn't the very carefully crafted character he made for himself years ago. But now that he's sitting all alone in their room, staring at the wall, he realizes he didn't last two seconds hiding behind that mask with Liam around. Even the first time they met, he couldn't keep a straight face and cracked because he was humming, as if that was such a big deal. He doesn't know how he didn't see it before, but now it's all starting to make sense, he's finally getting a glimpse of the bigger picture containing their petty fights and misunderstandings, and he gets it now. He wishes he would have figured it out sooner, he could have made Liam stay, but now he's gone and he needs to find a way to get him to come back.

The words start flowing out of him instantly, and he doesn't even bother with a pen and paper. He pulls out his phone and starts recording it. The melody's barely a little hum in the background, but the lyrics- the lyrics matter so much. It's his heart and soul his pouring into this song, and it's just so simple, so easy to write, because he knows exactly how he feels. And he needs to say it out loud more than ever. He sends the audio to Harry as soon as he's done, and five minutes later, his phone buzzes.

"That's a great song." Harry sounds like he's been crying, and Louis doesn't doubt he has, but he can't judge him when he teared up a little bit himself upon hearing what he'd recorded. "Thank you, Lou. Thanks for sharing that with me, I really appreciate it. Now get back here so you can show me exactly what you want it to sound like."

The last step. Writing the song was easier than he'd expected, he can only hope singing it in front of a crowd might surprise him by being not stressful at all too. If it's half as exhilarating and relieving as writing was, then he might just not pass out on stage.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be there soon."

 

  
There is a single light on stage, and Louis is blinking hard. It's too bright, the crowd's too loud, this isn't going to work. He hears the first chords playing out behind him, and he sees Harry nodding at him with a serious look on his face. He has to do this. It's his one chance to get Liam back, to show him he understands.

"I figured it out" He sings and the stadium falls silent. They're all staring at him, and he wishes he knew if it's because they want to pay attention to the song, or if he's just that awful they've all gone speechless. But when he scans the crowd, he spots Liam standing there, and he keeps singing. Because he really did figure it out, it took him longer than it should have but now he knows. It wasn't easy because it wasn't supposed to be easy, love isn't always about people who fit together right on the first try. Sometimes love is about people who don't fit at all, it can be about people who need to work on smoothing out rough edges until they do. Until it all falls into place, and they come out better, wiser, stronger, and together.

So yes. He did figure it out, he figured out there's always room for common ground, he knows now Liam and him may see things in different lights but he wants to try and see things through his eyes, maybe make him see some through his own. And as the song ends, his gaze is still stuck on Liam, and when he smiles at him, his heart feels like it's about to burst, because he realizes Liam knows too.

Liam figured it out the first time they saw each other.


End file.
